Without Comment

Apparently Haloscan has been purchased by another company that now wants to charge to house blog comments. At first I just ignored the news as this is the only blog of mine that uses Haloscan. But when I read Scribbler's post this morning and thought about all the comments that have been left here, it seemed wrong to just let them disappear. I've exported everything from Haloscan, and while I don't have any plans to use their new service, I want to retain the ability to reread or reattach these comments at some future point. If nothing else, it's nice to know that over the course of this blog, I had thousands and thousands of folks offer feedback to what I was saying and experiencing. For that, I continue to be very very grateful.

Is This Thing On?

"I thought maybe you'd fallen off the planet," a friend commented today. I think maybe I had.

Or maybe, more accurately, I'd fallen into myself, cocooning in an act of self-preservation and (eventually...) transformation. In some ways, I'm giddy enough from certain things happening in my life right now that I can be a hot-damn-badger-butterfly. Although, in retrospect, I'm probably just a very dusty moth, shimmering because the light has hit me right.

So details. You always want the details...

ABD4evah: Last year was just that: the last year of funding from my department. I didn't make any substantial progression on the dissertation, and honestly my heart just wasn't into it. Teaching -- the thing that'd sustained my passion for higher ed -- had become excruciating. I resented my students, my professors, my department. So I quit.

Will Work for Food: Unfortunately, I walked away from the academy and into a lousy job market. I've been unemployed (well, temping, sorta, but basically unemployed) for nine months.

Will Work for Fun and Profit: Finally I landed a job, one that I started on Tuesday. A Great Job. And as I'm working in the educational technology field, my boss encouraged me to register for various social networking sites. So yeah, I joined the world o' Facebook, and even though it was digital, I realized that maybe I was ready to reunite with old friends. (Riding the bus to and from work every day is enough reunion with "the real" for now. -- I'd link a blog post, but damn, those archives...)

Will Blog with Spit and Vinegar: At my job interview, I was asked if I blogged. I said I had, for a while. But you know, I think I'm ready to do so again. I think I might start a new one (I'll link it), because I truly have emerged from that cocoon a new person. But you were all good readers and good friends. So I thought I'd let you know that, "Hey! I'm back."

End of Year Meme

Although I've sworn recently to friends and family that I am tired of sadness and grieving, I must admit that the holiday hoopla doesn't really foster in me much joy. So again, in lieu of substantive blogging, a meme:

This one asks for the first sentence from the first entry of each month of 2006. I think it does a good job highlighting the major events in my life from the year: the grief, the eviction and move to new house, the birth of my nephew, the lack of work on my dissertation, and my struggle to soldier on...

January: I can't say I subscribe to the belief that as you spend New Year's Day, so follows the rest of the new year.

February: I just finished the bottle of wine.

March: My therapist, Dr. Metaphor, says grief is the ocean, pounding me with its waves.

April: Add to my list of accomplishments today, a dog bath for Hazel, who has finally become brave enough to wander off the back porch and explore the backyard a little.

May: Spam spam spam spam spam.

June: My brother called today and asked if the reason I haven’t been updating my blog frequently is that I’ve been channeling my productive writing energies into the dissertation.

July: My brother and sister-in-law had a baby boy this afternoon!

August: Badger boy and I are back from our whirlwind trip through Maine and Ontario (the Georgian Bay to be precise).

September: You can assess how well -- or how poorly -- I am coping by the absence on this blog of any substantial rants against my landlords.

October: Edited: Too bad. Ya missed it

November: I knew in advance that this week would be hellish, what with various appointments, examinations, obligations.

December: Yeah, I'm still here.

One word meme in lieu of grading ten-page papers

1. Yourself: lost
2. Your spouse: dead
3. Your hair: curly
4. Your mother: manic
5. Your father: alone
6. Your favorite item: ipod
7. Your dream last night: unattainable
8. Your favorite drink: coffee
9. Your dream car: none
10. The room you are in: cold
11. Your ex: who?
12. Your fear: future
13. What you want to be in 10 years: me
14. Who you hung out with last night: Rav
15. What you're not: greedy
16. Muffins: poppyseed
17: One of your wish list items: house
18: Time: spent
19. The last thing you did: shower
20. What you're wearing: red
21. Your favorite weather: cool
22. Your favorite book: Frankenstein?
23. The last thing you ate: halibut
24. Your life: uncertain
25. Your mood: contemplative
26. Your best friend(s): solid
27. What you're thinking about right now: grading
28. Your car: filthy
29. What you're doing at the moment: procrastinating
30. Your summer: teaching
31. Your relationship status: single
32. What's on TV: dunno
33. The weather: foggy
34. The last time you laughed: yesterday

Alive

Yeah, I'm still here. And yeah, I'm crazy busy. And yeah, I'm sorry I haven't updated the blog lately. And yeah, what with the madness of end-of-term and holidays, you might just have to wait a bit for a bloggier Badger.

Friday Art Blogging

casting of my hand

Rock-n-Roll Ain't Noise Pollution

My class was interrupted yesterday when the teacher from the next room came in to tell us to “turn the music down” as her class was "trying to learn." I do have to wonder if she would have admonished us if we’d been playing Mozart and not NWA.

The Wheels on the Bus Go Round and Round and the People on the Bus Make Me Sick Sick Sick

Yesterday’s bus ride to work was almost bad enough to make me return to driving, global warming be damned.

The first bus I take was running about fifteen minutes late and was crowded -- full of coughing, sneezing, sniffling passengers. (Just when I’m over my cold, of course.) Despite having my headphones on, I could clearly hear the conversation of the women seated behind me. One of them was explaining how she had become so tired of her rebellious teenage daughter that she’d signed her up for the military. “That’ll teach her not to listen to me,” she proudly told her friend.

The second leg of my trip was worse. The bus was even more crowded, even more smelly. When I got on the bus, I moved to the back, where there were only a few seats available. Seated in the far back seat was a huge man whose girth spread across three of the seats. He was asleep. Not the “I’m just going to shut my eyes for a few minutes before the bus leaves the station” asleep. Fast asleep. And snoring. Loudly. Unceasingly. I was sure the apnea was going to kill him. And the sound of the snoring was this disgusting aural reminder that I was breathing the air of everyone there.

I couldn’t get off the bus fast enough, and despite the rain, I rung the bell, hopped out, and walked to campus.

The Week from Hell and the Return of Friday Art Blogging

I knew in advance that this week would be hellish, what with various appointments, examinations, obligations.

Some things were much better than expected. My number wasn’t called for jury duty, for example.

Some things were worse. Badger-boy’s braces are much more elaborate than I had envisioned and include this torture-devise that, cranked each night, will spread apart the teeth in his upper jaw. A miserable thirteen-year-old translates into a miserable mom. A miserable, hungry thirteen-year-old. . .

Other little things popped up: “guild drama” in an MMORPG I play (“drama” –- one of those bonus features of online gaming that’s never listed on the cover of the game box); rain rain rain; library book hassles; poor time management in my class on Wednesday; grading; dissertating; paperwork filing; a phone call from my mother-in-law (I haven’t spoken to my in-laws in about six months); the first Halloween for which Badger-boy claimed he was “too old”; my first purchase of low-cut jeans (by mistake, I tell you, by mistake!) and the realization that provides about one’s body; my lingering cold. . .

My life is insane and disorganized. But strangely, I’m getting used to that rhythm now.

image from a mural Mr. Badger did with local high-schoolers

Two Minute Hate

Well, not really two minutes worth. And not really hate. Just a few things that have irked me mightily over the last few days.

My scratchy throat

My landlord who still hasn’t finished painting the house

The UPS delivery person who said she’d refuse to make deliveries here if I didn’t have numbers on the house (see above)

The eye doctor who deemed it necessary to dilate my pupils

The head of my department who wrote a nasty email to all dissertating grad students about our failing to file a form with the graduate school—um, hello? If none of us filed the form, I’d say you’re getting snippy with the wrong people, eh?

Pollsters

People who ride the city bus, cough and sneeze, and then announce, “God, I am so sick. I can’t believe I am going in to work today”

People who attack Michael J. Fox

Still here...

OK, I know, I know. I haven't updated the blog in a while. And when I do, it's just a few lines about illness and/or (parental/scholastic) frustration. And sorry -- this entry is more of the same. Last week was dreadful, as the kid was sick through all of it. And now, just as he's on the mend, I think I am succombing to a cold.

This just in...

Prof. Indiana Jones denied tenure.

When Will It Stop?!?

Well, duh. The stomach flu’s contagious. So, duh. Badger-boy got sick.

The flu passed through me in about 24 hours. Unfortunately, the kid is having a rougher time with it. He woke up from a nap this afternoon with excruciating sinus pain -- screaming and crying with sinus pain. It was so bad that we just had to make a trip to the emergency room.

* * *
I learned the other day that my department is offering a major financial incentive for the best dissertation chapter turned in this term. I could use the money – more than ever now with all these medical bills. Now I just need to find the time and mental energy to write!

That warm, fuzzy “good teenager” feeling was short-lived

Because I got his progress report in the mail today.

Ugh.

The Latest...

It has been one thing after another chez Badger.

This week’s crisis: stomach flu.

I started feeling queasy Monday evening. I lay in bed clutching my gut ‘til 12:30am and hoping the nausea would go away, but alas! (blech!) I was up the rest of the night sick sick sick. Sick. SICK. I crawled out of bed about 8 Tuesday morning and informed Badger-boy, who – bless him – promptly got up, packed his own lunch, and walked to school. I stayed in bed all day, minus the multiple trips to the bathroom (blech!), and was still there when the kid got home at 3:30. He managed to rummage through my purse and find enough cash to order dinner (clever little thing, eh?). A couple of friends happened to call, and Badger-boy got one of them to take him to the grocery store for juice and tea.

I’m feeling much better now, although I haven’t been brave enough to try to eat anything solid yet.

Gawd, I hate being a single parent. But I am so thankful for having such a good kid and such good friends.